Myth – Sacrificing one’s needs, leads to a Happy Married life
In my 20 years of marriage, I can find several instances where I have put my husband, kids and my in-laws’ needs above mine. Did it make me happy?
To tell you honestly, I built resentment towards them, anger towards myself and felt like a victim, who had given so much with no returns.
Sometimes I found myself keeping a balance sheet consciously or unconsciously, of the give and take happening in the relationships. I can confidently say, it’s not a good place to be in.
I felt trapped in the cycle of self-defeating thoughts, guilt and shame for expecting others to appreciate and acknowledge my self-sacrifice. To overcome this, I found myself giving into others’ demands, thinking it would be a place of nirvana.
In reality, grudgingly accepting and tolerating every ones preferences and sacrificing to their desires, left me with a realization that:
“Sacrifice breeds resentment.”
What I learnt from my experiences and my Mentor Dr. John DeMartini is that unwilling sacrifice, tolerance or acceptance isn’t required for fulfilling relationships.
The key to a happily married life is an open-hearted appreciation for others and love for who we and our partners are. When we allow each other to express themselves freely without any judgements, helping our partners find what they love most, in turn, helps you achieve what we love most.